The Devil – DEPRESSION

As its soon going to be Mental Illness Awareness Week, Oct. 5-11.2014 (also known as Mental Health Awareness Week).
I want to share something with you.

I want to take you through a dark and difficult journey. A journey of my life

If you are suffering from depression or if you know someone who is or if you want to know about depression then you should read this.

Depression…the devil entered my life somewhere around the time when I was 12 ..yes you read it right…when I was only 12. I want to tell you that anxiety and panic were already part of my life since I was a kid..

The depression made its presence full time in my life by the time I was 14 ..by then suicidal thoughts had surfaced.

I started working at the age of 18..and at 19 my depression was finaly officially diagnosed. And that is when the real distruction started.
My depression drugs made me so numb…I could not feel…I was a machine with no emotions… when I wanted to cry I had no tears…it was too frustrating..i wud just stare at the blank space….with empty eyes.
My anxiety level used to be so high that I always had this feeling that I am sinking away…that there is nothing right in this world..nothing gud…thought its better if this life ends.
My panic attacks were making me insane …once I almost died coz of the seizure from panic about 3 years ago.

Have been going through severe depression for almost 6 official years and a total 12 years now…on and off the drug all these 6 years…At one time, I was so addicted to the drug that I couldn’t function without it.

Then this year got diagnosed with severe Migraine, Phantosmia & mild Psychosis...but the drugs thankfully didn’t do as much harm..and now I am better and off them.

With all this depression, anxiety, panic, phantosmia, migraine & psychosis my life goes on.
I am a fighter and I don’t give up.
But its not easy…because every new day is a struggle..and in the middle of all the pain I have learned to feel better.

I just hope people take mental disorders like depression seriously…because NO its not some phase that goes away one day….its a sickness that stays with you forever & you become a ticking time bomb. The loneliness stays in your heart forever but no one can understand.

If you come across some one with a mental disorder don’t judge them, don’t ask them the reason because most of the time either its too many or none. Don’t ever tell them that its just a phase.
Just give them a cuddle and tell them that even though you donn understand..you are still there… that they are not alone. Love them the way they are :-)

This is not just my journey alone….there are so many others who walk this lonely path and face such difficult times alone and frightened.I want to tell you that if I can do this then you can do it too. You are NOT alone.

“When you are mad, mad like this, you don’t know it. Reality is what you see. When what you see shifts, departing from anyone else’s reality, it’s still reality to you.” ~Marya Hornbacher, Madness: A Bipolar Life

I LOVE YOU & I am always here if you ever need someone to talk to <3

Love & Peace,

fiona_3.png ©Princess Fiona Crystal *All rights reserved. The Material not to be copied or distributed without permission

Someone wake me up

lonely,sleepalone,girl,photo,bed,legs-f28738fe8fe4d42ec4e82e358ed1b22c_h

I close my eyes and drift off
I see darkness everywhere ..deep valleys
Standing alone…I am in the middle of nowhere.

Then I feel it..that sharp pain in my heart
That moment when its like the life has been sucked out of your body
When you are so shocked and surprised, angry and broken at the same time.
Like you just got a sucker punch and you are now lying on the ground
That moment when life seems meaningless
When you respect life but you think of all the possible ways to end it
I can feel these painful feelings now.

Love…what is it?
Its a big bullshit…I am done..I am over it
Its a fools game that people play to use each other
Love was is it?

When all you have done is tried..tried hard to be a better person but no, it doesnt matter.
You have made mistakes and people are going to make you remember it every single day…..They are going to kill you with every ticking of the clock….
But you have no right to get hurt…you have to bear all the physical and emotional pain.. Rude words and abuse .. and you have to be silent, listen to it everyday…if you say anything then they will get hurt.
But you..yes I am talking about you..you don’t get hurt…your tears are useless.You are not a human after all.

Oh god! Someone get me out of this mess
Oh god! Someone?
Wake me up from this nightmare
My mind is going insane

You have no right to be a better person..I repeat ..no right.
Why didnt you just leave ? You fool…Why did you try
What did you get out of it?

They talk about love and getting old…they talk about every romantic thing in the world but then you realize they are only there for your physical aspects
And you give them your mind, your happiness….every inch of your soul…but still thats not enough..they want your physical being and when they won’t get it anymore… they will go

You mend a broken relation for the person you love..who has promised to be with you but at the best possible opportunity they leave..
And you are the one who is bad…other people don’t make mistakes… they do you a favour

Oh god! Someone get me out of this mess
Oh god! Someone?
Wake me up from this nightmare
My mind is going insane

Shake off your little feathers dear girl..shake it off…because with whom you made plans everyday to fly away with.. made plans for a better future together has left you in dispair….you have been used….now when they can’t use you anymore…they have broken all promises…told you lies…showed you dreams..made you cry…n left you. Left you in a time when you are helpless and alone..when you can’t fight it alone.

When you try to leave the mess you are an abomination
When they do it..they are doing you a favour

Yes you have made mistakes and gave them pain..but you accept it and you are sorry for it everyday….you are human..you make mistakes when you are young and stupid….you are paying for it every moment..you are trying everyday…..but they can abuse you..hit you everyday but its your mistake to tell them to stop…that you are not going to take it anymore….
What right you have…
How can you? How dare you?
Writh in pain and die you fool.

Doesn’t matter….i tell you..your pain doesn’t matter
They wont forget it and they will make you remember it everyday.

But you have to be quite….just shut up and listen
Shake of your pretty little feathers I tell you…you belong to this hell and you are not going anywhere.

Oh god! Someone get me out of this mess
Oh god! Someone?
Wake me up from this nightmare
My mind is going insane

What have I done? All I did was try..and it doesn’t matter to anyone

Just break down and cry,
The tears are your only escape,
Your smiles are all lies,
drag the blade across your skin,
Don’t scream out just die,
No one is here to listen.

I am awake..this is no dream
This can’t be happening
Oh! I am just going crazy
I can feel the thumping of my heart

Oh! my heart is shattered beyond repair
I cry tears of blood
Broken pieces of my wings are scattered everywhere.

You are happily watching me cry?
Oh! May you live long..really long and watch me die..hope that makes you happy..brings back your smile

 fiona_3.png©Princess Fiona Crystal *All rights reserved. The Material not to be copied or distributed without permission

I am still here

sad alone miss u waiting girls wallpapers (3)

“You took me to highest peak of d mountain and pushed me down from there….
You killed me over and over but I am still here
You took me through your cold emotions and set my soul to fire….
You keep saying you are sorry but I know you are a pretty good liar..

I loved you but I hate you now
You throw me in a never ending mess but I continue to shine.
You played your game and now the turn is mine…”

 fiona_3.png ©Princess Fiona Crystal *All rights reserved. The Material not to be copied or distributed without permission

You are driving me crazy

sad alone miss u waiting girls wallpapers (4)

I love you so much that it is driving me crazy…
All the memories coming back to me and its making me insane
I close my eyes and you are in my dreams
Is there no way to block my pain?

I hate you so much for this that its driving me mad
You touch me and kiss me and disappear
Its making me sad.
I take a deep breath and try to forget
Is there no way to block my pain?

Do you miss me like I miss you
Or is it only me that is crying in this rain.

fiona_3.png ©Princess Fiona Crystal *All rights reserved. The Material not to be copied or distributed without permission

Ek baar keh de

Pessimistic-Sad-Girl

Mujpe tu itna ehsaan kar de…
Tu mera ho chuka ..yeh sare aam keh de…
Risto ko risto ka koi naam na diya tune
Jaane kyu ish tarah badnaam kiya tune..
Ishq ki khawish meri thi… par chua tune dil ko…
Aaj mera haath tham..sare aam keh de,,,,,
Tujhe mohhabat hai.. ye ailaan ker de..
De sukun mujhe… ek baar keh de…

fiona_3.png ©Princess Fiona Crystal *All rights reserved. The Material not to be copied or distributed without permission

Is being thin a sin?

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Thin people like me love all shape n sizes…we do not criticize people and tell them to eat less or lose weight…so why is that other people think its okay to call us thin and tell us to eat something. Every body is Amazing and Every face is beautiful.Mind your own body and business….coz we get hurt too and its not okay.

~ Princess Fiona Crystal

Take a step Forward

 

“We are too busy perfecting our future and crying over our past that we forget about our present.
Our present starts now and its on us..how to make it worthy of memories when it becomes a past.

Life is not picture perfect and bed of roses… we have to make it one.
If we can’t take a stand for our self.. how can we expect others to do it for us ?

If we don’t stand up for our self, then no matter how many times other stand for us..we will remain in the same stupid place!
We need to take a step forward..this walk is ours and ours alone….no one can take it for us.

Stand up for yourself and for others..
You have no idea what words can do to us and to others.
You can save a life. You just never know :)”